Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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