Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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