The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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