I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Randomize
