Three words: puerto rican gang bang
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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