Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Someone came in the potted fern
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
