ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
