and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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