so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
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