I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
