I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
