we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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