I wish I could teleport
At least make sure they are 18
Why
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
