I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
