no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
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