a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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