I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
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