I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
