Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
