im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Is it penis luge time yet?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Can you bring me the toilet please
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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