Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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