toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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