There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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