Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
