With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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