You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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