I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
