what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
