oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
