Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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