Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
