You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
