He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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