I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
