It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
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On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
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I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
i've created a new STD.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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