Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
