Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
