did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
You took a bar mat shot.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
