Sry I called you an 8
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
