I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
zippers are such a cool invention
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
