highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
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I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
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I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
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