We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
