Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
