I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
