after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
