I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
