ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
time to smoke my breakfast
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
