i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
