You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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