Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
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