Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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