You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
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the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
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And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
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