I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
