Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
