I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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