well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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