come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
