i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
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