i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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