Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
