Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize