moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
