Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
