I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
