Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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