i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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