I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Please don't give away my fajitas
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
