david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
