Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
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