i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
