I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
