at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
